The Power of Being Nice

The Power of Being Nice: How to Conquer the World With Kindness

Principle #1
Positive impressions are like seeds.
Every time you smile at a messenger, laugh at a coworker's joke, thank an assistant, or treat a stranger with graciousness and respect, you throw off positive energy. That energy makes an impression on the other person that, in turn, is passed along to and imprinted on the myriad others he or she meets. Such imprints have a multiplier effect. And ultimately, those favorable impressions find their way back to you.
You may not ever be able to trace your good fortune back to a specific encounter, but it is a mathematical certainty that the power of nice lays the groundwork for many opportunities down the road. These positive impressions are like seeds.

Principle #2
You never know.
When we meet strangers on the street, we usually assume they aren't important to us. We often avoid contact with the woman sitting next to us on the train or maybe even race ahead to beat her to a cab as we exit the station. The thinking is, "She's just some woman who has nothing to do with my life. Getting the cab is more important than being nice to her."

But how do you know that? This woman could be the sister of your boss. Or a real estate agent who knows of a home in your dream neighborhood. Or the head of a foundation that could give your fledgling charity the backing it desperately needs. The bottom line is, this woman is important to many people. You have to treat everyone you meet as if they are the most important person in the world-- because they are. If not to you, then to someone; and if not today, then perhaps tomorrow.

Principle #3
People change.
One common mistake people make is assuming that you only have to be nice to your peers and their superiors. There's no need to be nice to an assistant or receptionist, much less a security guard or a cleaning person. After all, they can't do anything for you--they have no power.

That may or may not be true--now. But you have no idea who might become quite important to you ten, twenty, or thirty years from now.


Principle #4
Nice must be automatic.
A friend recently told us the story of three consulting companies vying for a very large contract. One was summarily dropped, even though the firm did a terrific presentation.

Why? they wondered. It turned out that when the prospective client arrived at the airport, an executive from one of the consulting firms neglected to help with her bags. He lost the contract right there. She was miffed at his rudeness and lack of manners, and decided that she didn't want to do business with them. Here their team had worked day and night to give the client a knockout presentation, and the entire account was lost over a suitcase.

The negligent executive certainly knew the client was a VIP. So why didn't he pick up the bag? Simple: He wasn't skilled in the art of being nice. If it had been part of the way he treated everyone, the oversight never would have occurred. Picking up the bag for the client would have been second nature, instead of a once-in-a-while gesture granted only to clients and bosses and other important people. He would have understood that such small gestures and actions can have an enormous impact.

Principle #5
Negative impressions are like germs.
Just as positive actions are like seeds, rude gestures and remarks are like germs--you may not see the impact they have on you for a while, but they are there, silently infecting you and everyone around you.

Not spreading germs means being extremely conscientious about your environment and the people around you. Because even a simple misunderstanding can create a negative impression.

Principle #6
You will know.
Even if you never see a person you have treated badly again, even if no one sees or knows of your rudeness or bad behavior, you will know. It will be in your mind and heart when you walk into a meeting and try to convince the people in the room that they should put their faith in you. Because you won't believe in yourself, you could jeopardize the outcome of a meeting or relationship.

The power of nice is not about running around manically smiling and doing everyone's bidding, all the while calculating what you'll get in return. It's not about being phony or manipulative. It's about valuing niceness--in yourself and in others--the same way you respect intelligence, beauty, or talent. Niceness is a powerful force. In fact, it can literally save your life.


EXERCISE YOUR NICENESS MUSCLES
Every day for the next week, do five nice things that have no immediate payoff for you. Say thank you to others. Ask those you meet about their lives. Does your cleaning woman have grandchildren? Donate money to charity. Compliment a stranger.

The point of this is not to imagine that the cabdriver you are generously tipping will someday run a major corporation. It is to simply get into the habit of being nice--and rediscover how good that makes you feel.

BE A "BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR"
Most of us don't mean to be inconsiderate. We're just so busy starring in our own movie that we forget that everyone else is starring in theirs. That's why it's extremely important to see yourself as others do--as the supporting actor in their movie. So do an inventory of all the people in your life, and ask yourself what kind of character you'd play in their movie. Are you the loving, doting grown daughter or the distracted, absentee one? The sweet, supportive boyfriend or the needy, selfish one? The office troubleshooter or the drama queen? For each relationship, write down five ways that you can make your "character" more sympathetic.

MODEL YOURSELF AFTER THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ADMIRE
Do you admire people who do volunteer work? Who reach out to family members and make plans to do things together? Who admire and mentor others at work? Who ask about and remember the details of the lives of clients and colleagues? Complete this statement: If I were a better person, I would . . .

Try to model your behavior on that of the person you would like to be.


Adapted from a book by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval

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